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The Black Dress Manifesto......When is a dress more then a dress?

A few days ago, I bought a new dress.

This might not seem like a big deal but to me it was. Let me explain.

This is a very naked dress. I've spent most of my life hating my body. I hated my arms, my legs and my bum. I hated that I was flat chested and tall. There comes a point in a girl's life where she becomes aware of her body in a negative way - this for me was 14.
I wasn't fat, I wasn't chubby - I was tall. I started trying to loose weight. Nothing out of the ordinary there but I started to loose weight with bulimia. I've spoken before about my eating disorder on this site in order to highlight how dangerous things like this can be.
I wasn't at all prepared for how many messages I got about the post. I got so much support and so many heartbreaking messages from people who went through it. I've spoken to other girls who have hated their figures so much that they almost died trying to change it.
My eating disorder has never stopped but it has changed. I don't think eating disorders ever go away. We may stop starving ourselves or vomiting but it is an everyday struggle to look at food in an ordinary way. It's a struggle when the going gets bad not to control my calories and withhold food in order to have some form of control over what is going on because a lot of ED is about control.
I was never fat - ever - but I was bigger then I am now. When I naturally moved from my early 20s puppy fat days to my mid twenties and then my late twenties weight - I shifted down to the size I am now. This was also to do with surgery on my stomach and finding out I am coeliac.
The effect of this weight loss has been felt on my wardrobe. I still think I am a bigger size then I am. I buy clothes in a size 16 so I can get the baggy effect that hides everything. I will reach for a dress in a size that does not fit me. I don't feel comfortable in short skirts, tight clothes or anything that shows off my figure. As I don't feel pretty or beautiful at all.
It also helps that my style is geared towards me trying not to look like a girl! Since I've been single - I've noticed that my style is starting to change.
I shocked myself with the purchase of this dress. Not only is it figure hugging but it has massive holes in the side of the dress. It's quite a sexy dress! I didn't think I'd feel comfortable but I was amazed at how it made me feel. I'll never give up my baggy band T-shirts but now I am starting to add pieces that show off my body. It's amazing. I'm planning on adding so many things to the mix that I would never have considered before.
So it may look like a dress....but to me its a lot more then that. It's about FINALLY accepting that I am the weight I am.

I might even wear it this weekend....might!

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